2011-09-14

[BC] Draft Essay


I was taught at a young age to get good grades and study hard. Unlike some students, who have no joy for school and see it as a waste of time, I enjoy studying and furthering my education. Since third grade, I have taken academic enrichment courses during the summer break. While my friends were out vacationing with their families, participating in sports, hanging out with friends, and playing with video games, I was in a classroom with many intellectuals studying a wide array of subjects from English to Web design.
During the summers of elementary and middle school I participated in the Summer Enrichment Programs at Head Royce School. For four weeks each summer, I participated in four sections of classes. Subjects included study skills, English, Spanish, mathematics, science, and computer applications. These enrichment courses encouraged me to become active in learning and educating myself – and even have a joy for the challenges. Because I did not attend Head Royce during the academic school year, I had the additional hurdle of making friends and interacting with strangers. It helped me build my social skills and improve my personal interactions with others.
For the summer of ninth grade, I decided to take a different challenge: complete a high-school level Algebra II course. This fast-paced class condensed a whole thirty-week high school class into eight short weeks. It was a difficult endeavor to take notes and participate in same class for four hours, five days a week. I was the youngest student in the class. Dissimilar to the previous enrichment classes, Algebra II was strictly new. I successfully completed the class and realized how intense the material is. However, this experience opened up my interest in condensed, comprehensive summer classes.
The following summers, I enrolled in Beginning Chemistry and Calculus I at Laney College. The chemistry college course had both a lecture and laboratory component and the calculus course offered insight on this new branch of mathematics. After six weeks of spending time in the lab and lecture halls, I was confident to say I found my passion for mathematics and chemistry.

This essay is still incomplete and is a large work-in-progress. I will spend time later to collect some more thoughts. I would appreciate your insights.

2 comments:

  1. It looks like you culled out some of the passive voice, which is good. What makes me more nervous about this draft is that it feels like only a step or two up from the "list the classes you took" part of your application. Each paragraph sort of takes us through an academic experience you've had, after the introduction which more or less says, "These are the only experiences I've had." Can you delve into more of a story or a vivid memory you have in one of these classes that brings the story--and your own intellectual curiosity--more to life?

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  2. I agree with Mr. Sutherland: it feels like a list to me. The prompt was about how your life has shaped you, right? something like that, anyways. How has your (very impressive)academic life shaped you?

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